Oxygen
by Alessia Heartilly
Summary: He gulps, realizing there's a lump in his throat. Breathing is hard, his eyes are burning with tears and he is almost sure a sob just escaped him. There is so much going on he almost forgets his cramp, even if he could double up with pain. [Laguna, Squall and breathing again. For the Successor Challenge 2019]


**OXYGEN**

He feels his leg cramping already.

Laguna has just set foot on Balamb Garden's ground, and beside him, Ellone is positively beaming. She is not as nervous as he is; she is excited, happy and absolutely can't stand still. Laguna is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Squall Leonhart, Commander of Balamb Garden, his estranged and long lost son, can't meet him because he is on paternity leave.

He didn't even know Rinoa was pregnant until he heard those words from Xu: Commander Leonhart will not meet you, sir, because he is on paternity leave for the next two months. Lieutenant Commander Quistis is currently covering for him.

He is a little sad because his son is living a life he is not part of, but he is still overjoyed to be a grandfather. He just hopes he can see his little grandson – Ellone told him it's a boy – before going back to Esthar. He looks at Ellone; he is sure she'll spend every possible moment with the happy couple and their newborn.

"I can't wait to see him!" she beams, and Laguna smiles too because if there's something his children deserve it's happiness.

"Go ahead. I need to meet Quistis. I hope I can join you later."

There is a hint of sadness that Ellone picks up, but she can't say anything about it because Cid and Xu are coming to greet them. Selphie is right behind them and she wraps her in a hug so strong that Ellone thinks she may break.

"I'm so happy you're here! I need your help with the party!"

"Party?" asks Ellone giggling, as Selphie takes her hand and drags her to the main building.

"Yeah! We want to welcome Kiran! He's so cute, he looks like a mini-Squall. He doesn't frown though." Selphie laughs. "They're the sweetest thing in the world!"

Ellone laughs, following Selphie, trying to imagine Squall with a baby, his own baby, in his arms. She can't wait to see them! Then she remembers how sad and hopeful Laguna is, and she has an idea.

"I need your help too, Sefie!"

* * *

When Laguna enters the room assigned to him in the guest wing of the third floor, there's a message for him.

_Come to our apartment when you're done with your meetings. Wing A, third door on the left. We want to introduce our son. Squall and Rinoa_

His leg cramps immediately. He wonders what happened, but he realizes it doesn't really matter. They want to introduce their son to him – _**his son**_ wants to introduce the baby, and that's the only thing he needs to know.

He waits until the pain in his leg subsides, even if the butterflies in his stomach are raging madly. He takes a deep breath, nods to himself and goes.

He finds wing A easily; a nice plaque near the third door on the left says "Leonhart – Heartilly".

He knocks almost wearily, hoping not to disturb the baby; maybe he is sleeping. Maybe Rinoa is tired and she's sleeping, too. But the door opens and Squall greets him with a nod. "Come on in."

Laguna enters the apartment, almost dragging his pulsing leg. The cramp is flaring up again, the muscles almost burning, his stomach churned in anxiety and this is almost too painful. Angelo walks up to him, sniffling his aching leg, and Laguna doesn't know how to react.

"Down girl, it's ok," whispers Squall, and the dog sniffs him one last time, then turns and goes through a door on the far right.

Laguna scratches the back of his head. "So, where's Rinoa? Did I knock too loud? I didn't want to disturb the baby but I also wanted to be heard so I hope I didn't wake them up. Wait, I did, right? Oh man, I'm so sorry-"

"Please, stop babbling," interrupts Squall, pinching the bridge of this nose. Why did he agree with all this, for Hyne's sake? "You didn't knock too loud. You didn't wake anyone up. No need to be sorry. And please sit down, that cramp must be painful."

Squall doesn't wait for the answers. He disappears in the kitchen and comes back a few minutes later with a glass and a bottle of water. He fills the glass and gives it to his father.

"So where's Rinoa?" asks Laguna, trying to take the glass without spilling its content. If Squall notices how bad his hand is trembling, he doesn't say anything. He shrugs as Laguna tries clumsily to drink.

"She's out."

"You mean she's sleeping?"

"I mean she's out," says Squall. "Ellone came earlier with Selphie, Rinoa nursed Kiran and then said she wanted to go out with the girls, have some fresh air, talk about the party. So-" Squall pauses, eyeing him suspiciously. "Please, sit down."

He disappears through the same door the dog went and Laguna waits there, in the middle of his son's living room, observing how it's different from what he'd expected. Full of books, pictures, and things. Rinoa's touch, he thinks, but there's that sadness again: he really doesn't know his son. Those books may be his and he wouldn't know.

Then his heart stops and the cramp comes back again to bite viciously at his flesh. Squall is back in the room with the baby in his arms, Angelo at his heels. And Laguna knows he won't forget this moment, because his son is holding his grandson and the tenderness and the love on Squall's face are almost incredible. He gulps, realizing there's a lump in his throat. Breathing is hard, his eyes are burning with tears and he is almost sure a sob just escaped him. There is so much going on he almost forgets his cramp, even if he could double up with pain.

"We named him Kiran," says Squall, gently rocking the baby. "He was born a week ago. We are sorry we didn't tell you and Ellone. We just… wanted to be sure Rinoa could carry to term. I didn't think it would be fair."

"Fair?" There is a spark of understanding in Laguna, but it's just so unbelievable he doesn't dare to hope.

"To you, I mean." Squall sighs, moving a hand tenderly on his son's head. "Telling you we were going to have a baby and maybe later having to tell you the baby was gone. It would be too painful, considering… you know."

"Painful for me, you mean?"

"Yeah. It wouldn't be fair. You shouldn't have had to live _**that**_, to begin with. We… I thought I could at least try to spare you that kind of pain." He speaks watching his baby, almost mesmerized, but he raises his eyes to look at Laguna. "It was worth it, wasn't it?"

Laguna closes his eyes, savoring this moment of complete sincerity and utter understanding of his son. Winhill's people told him that Raine died and the baby, his baby, was stillborn. They said Ellone never came back. He has spent his entire life grieving losses that he shouldn't have grieved. His son, Ellone. Almost two decades believing that there was nothing in the entire world that could remind him of his beloved wife, of the peaceful life he lived with them. When Ellone came back on that Estharian ship, five years ago, he felt like finally breathing again.

And Squall telling him he wanted to spare him some pain makes him happy and grateful and he would run to the top of the Garden and scream if his leg wasn't such an awful mess.

"It was. Thank you so much, Squall. You don't know how much it means to me."

Squall nods and his eyes go back to his son. He is transfigured by love and Laguna has never seen him like this. So tender, so caring, so enamored, so vulnerable. So human. That's not a soldier's hand that lovingly pushes the fleece blanket to the side so Laguna can see the baby's face.

Laguna gulps and gathers the courage to ask, "can I hold him? Just a little while?"

"No. Sit down."

Laguna lowers his eyes and gulps again. He is not going to protest, but he hoped – he dared –

"I'm not going to let you hold my son with that cramp going on. Please sit down and you can hold him as much as you want. As long as you stand there watching, don't even think about it."

"Wh-what?"

"Sometimes you forget I was in your head. I can see and almost _**feel**_ you have a cramp. You dragged your leg when I opened the door. So please sit down already. Kiran loves to be held, but you need to make him feel secure or he'll start fussing. You won't be able to with that cramp. Do you need another glass of water?"

Laguna shakes his head and clumsily crosses the room to sit down on one of the armchairs.

"Now relax. You'll be fine. Make sure you support his head." Laguna can't believe how easy it seems, how comfortable Squall is with holding the baby. His son has never struck him as a man who could gently hold a baby, but here he is, teaching him how to do it. Then the baby is in his arms and Laguna listens to his soft breath, marveling at his rosy lips, his cheeks, his dark hair. Suddenly he feels like he is twenty-eight again, back in Winhill, holding his Squall, the baby he and Raine decided to name after the storms she loved so much. She used to say that he came in her life like a squall, knocking down certainties and sweeping insecurities away with the full force of his energy.

How he loved his Raine. How he loved the gentle way she shook her head at his clumsiness, the way she giggled, the way she laughed openly when he mixed up words, the way she looked at him when she thought he couldn't see. The serene smile she always had watching him with Ellone. The way she didn't say yes when he asked her to marry him, but made him feel there was nothing she could want more than that. The way she made him feel home. Everything she was, everything he lost, everything he was denied by foolishness and ignorance. Everything _**his children**_ were denied because of foolishness and ignorance.

"You can tell me about her," says Squall softly, watching the way Laguna's eyes shine with tears. "I mean… if you want to."

And Laguna does, with his voice broken, and tells him how wonderful and strong and funny and weird his Raine was. How he loved her because she was wonderful and strong, but especially because she was weird and her little quirks were the most endearing thing in the world, to him. How brave, honest, sincere she was. How she took in Ellone even though all the villagers wanted to send her away, how she fought and defended her little girl, how she nursed him back to health and helped and loved him, even if he was clumsy and weird and weak. How they tried to find a place for their family in that village, how they failed to succeed. How they laughed together, wondering if their little baby would be weird like they were. How he promised he would come back to see their little summer Squall. How he would give everything he has and everything he is to have her _**just a little longer**_, to be able to tell her how much she means to him and how grateful he is because she gave him Ellone and Squall. How many things he would have said, the night he left, if he knew he would never see her again. How he feels like there's no oxygen for him to be able to breathe in a world where she is just a memory and how this literally suffocates him. How Squall looks just like her, so much that sometimes it is painful to watch and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps him going. How Kiran looks just like Squall and he feels like holding his son, for a brief moment, and everything in the world is right again and he feels able to breathe.

Squall listens without interrupting, and Laguna is ashamed when he realizes how much he has been talking. "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to talk so much. Here, I'm sure you want to hold your son. I should-"

"There's no rush," says Squall, with a voice that sounds almost broken. "Take your time. Rinoa will be back soon, she'll need to feed him. You can hold him until she comes home if you want to."

There is a long silence. It is tense, but it's also precious and Laguna savors it for what it is – a moment of peace in a long life of pain and grieving.

Rinoa's voice is right out of the door when Squall gathers the courage to make an offer. "We… we won't be able to travel soon. I mean, we want to be sure Kiran can travel safely."

Laguna nods, still watching his grandson. Kiran is waking up and he can't wait to look him in the eyes.

"We won't be able to take Kiran to Esthar soon. But… if you feel like it, you can come to see him. We have a spare bedroom. You can sleep in there if you don't mind late-night crying."

There is a small smile on Squall's face, and Laguna smiles sheepishly too.

"If you don't mind late-night tripping on furniture while trying to reach the bathroom, I'm game."

The front door opens and Rinoa steps in, laughing at something Ellone said. The girls see how nicely their plan unfolded and they smile, sitting down on the sofa next to Squall.

"Isn't he the most precious boy in the world, uncle Laguna?" beams Ellone.

Laguna nods. The baby stirs, opens his eyes and Laguna feels like breathing, again. There's so much oxygen in the world right now that he almost feels like Raine is sitting next to him on the armrest, cooing at her grandson. He can almost _**hear**_ her saying the boy is so precious, another summer squall that will turn their lives upside down. Will he be weird like his grandparents are?

"Hey, buddy. I'm grandpa Laguna. Hi there."

Rinoa giggles softly. "Let me feed him. Then we can have dinner together."

The boy is lifted from his arms and Rinoa gently settles him against her chest, whispering something while she goes to her bedroom to nurse him. Ellone follows her and Squall and Laguna are alone, again.

"It was nice," says Laguna, feeling a dull pain in his leg. "Being able to talk to you without being so awkward. It was… refreshing. Thank you, son."

"Yeah." Squall's answer is a whisper, and now _**he**_ is the one in need of a glass of water. Thank Hyne he didn't inherit his father's cramps too. "There is something I meant to ask you."

Laguna watches him curiously as Squall gets up and opens the drawer of the little corner table near the entrance. He comes back with an envelope in hand.

"I filed the papers to get your surname, too. I hope you don't mind."

Laguna is so bewildered he can just stare.

"They need your approval too, of course. So, if you don't want to-"

"Shut up Squall," he says, and he chuckles a little when he realizes he is as rude as Squall was before letting him hold Kiran. "Give me a pen and tell me where I have to sign."

He signs with a firm hand that surprises him too. And when Rinoa and Ellone come back and Squall gives them the news, he smiles because he knows that now he will never feel like suffocating again.

* * *

"So one day I'll be Rinoa Heartilly Leonhart Loire?" she teases him as they're doing the dishes together.

He laughs. "You're forgetting Caraway."

"Geez, waaaaaay too many surnames here."

Squall puts away the last dish, closes the cabinet and dries his hands off with a dishcloth.

"You know, I never thought that our baby could spark something like that. He is so small and fragile and he just caused the biggest revolution of your life." She smiles, hugging him as he leans against the kitchen counter.

She feels his lips moving on her forehead as he answers, "it's just a surname, Rinoa."

"It's much, much more to your father."

"It's much more to me, too."

"There, you admitted it. Was it so hard?"

"Yeah… and no, it really wasn't."

"What? You just contradicted yourself in three words. You can't do that."

"Too bad, I do it anyway."

She puffs. "Does your father know you're weird?"

Squall laughs, remembering what Laguna said. The good and the bad, the memories that made him cry and those that made him laugh, the pain and the love.

"You and Kiran are my oxygen, you know that?"

Rinoa beams and Squall feels like he is again in the flower field, engulfed by the sheer force of her love. "Wanna watch him sleep for a while?" he asks with a smile.

"Always."

Rinoa waits until they are near the crib, watching the steady rise and fall of their baby's chest, feeling so lucky and blessed she almost can't believe it. She feels Squall's arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder.

"You and Kiran are my oxygen, too," she whispers, and everything is right in Squall's world.

* * *

_**Author's note**_: just a little scene that played in my mind and I felt compelled to put on paper. English is my second language and this was not beta-read, so sorry for my mistakes. I'll gladly correct them if you'll be so kind as to point them out.


End file.
